A.S. Thorne

Some days survival feels like a miracle. Other days it feels like a mistake.

And here’s the truth no one says out loud: you don’t have to be okay to deserve to exist.

The Lie We Swallow

We’re told healing should look like progress, like clean mornings and hopeful journals, like scars neatly sealed over. But what about the days when you can’t get out of bed? When food tastes like cardboard and every sound feels like it scrapes against your bones?

What about when you look in the mirror and see nothing worth saving?

No one puts that on inspirational posters. No one tells you that existing in that state is still enough. That breathing, even when it feels like punishment, is still proof of life.

The Unapologetic Truth

I have lived in that place. Where numbness wasn’t a symptom but a survival tactic. Where self-hate curled around my ribs and whispered that the world would be lighter without me in it.

And the thing I wish someone had told me—the thing I’ll tell you now—is that worthiness isn’t conditional. You don’t have to earn your right to be here by smiling through pain or making progress charts or pretending the darkness doesn’t still pull at you.

You don’t have to justify your existence to anyone. Not to your family. Not to your friends. Not even to yourself on your worst days.

You are allowed to exist in your mess. In your grief. In your rage. In your brokenness.

And still be worthy of breath.

Why I Write It This Way

Dark fantasy gives me the language to say this out loud. My characters don’t heal in straight lines. They break. They bleed. They shatter into versions of themselves they don’t recognize.

And yet—they remain. They exist, even when they don’t know why.

That’s the closest thing to truth I can write: survival doesn’t always look brave. Sometimes it looks like staying in the room one more night. Sometimes it looks like taking the next inhale, even when you don’t want to.

And that is still survival. That is still worthy.

A Reminder for You

So if you are in that place right now, if you are reading this with tears you don’t understand or numbness you can’t shake, hear me:

You don’t have to be okay.
You don’t have to be hopeful.
You don’t have to be anything more than alive.

Your existence is not a question mark. It is not a mistake.

You are here. And that is enough.

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💭 Your Turn
Ask yourself: What lie about my worth am I still carrying?
Write it down. Then, if you can, write one line of truth beneath it. Even if you don’t believe it yet. Especially if you don’t believe it yet.

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An Invitation to Share

If this resonated with you, I’d be honored if you shared it. Sometimes we don’t know who else is quietly carrying the same weight—and sometimes the reminder that you don’t have to be okay to deserve to exist is exactly what someone needs to hear.

🖤 A.S. Thorne