A.S. Thorne

I have spent most of my adult life believing that if I could just get caught up, everything would finally feel manageable.

Just one more project.
One more deadline.
One more semester.
One more email.
One more weekend spent being productive.

Then I would rest.
Then I would breathe.
Then everything would feel under control.

The problem is…”caught up” doesn’t exist.
At least not for most of us.

There is always another thing waiting.
Another appointment to schedule.
Another bill to pay.
Another load of laundry.
Another book to read.
Another goal.
Another responsibility.
Another dream.

Somewhere along the way, I convinced myself that rest was something I had to earn.
That I wasn’t allowed to slow down until everything on my to-do list was finished.

The issue is that my to-do list reproduces faster than rabbits.
I cross off three things, and somehow six more appear.

At this point, I’m fairly certain my planner is sentient and actively plotting against me.

And maybe that’s the trap.
Maybe we’ve all been sold the idea that life eventually reaches a point where everything is neatly organized and complete.

The inbox is empty.
The house is clean.
The work is finished.
The goals are accomplished.
The dishes are done.
The laundry is folded.
The mental health is stable.
The relationships are thriving.
The bank account is healthy.
The plants are watered.
The dog has been walked.
The books have been read.

The stars have aligned.
Congratulations. You have achieved adulthood.

Except that’s not how life works.

Life is messy.
Life is unfinished.
Life is a constant balancing act between what needs attention now and what will have to wait until later.

There will always be unfinished projects.
There will always be goals you haven’t reached yet.
There will always be things you wish you were doing better.

And if you’re anything like me, there will always be approximately seventeen tabs open in your brain at any given time.

Lately I’ve been thinking about how much energy we spend chasing some imaginary finish line.

As if we’re one productive weekend away from finally having everything together.
As if one more push will somehow unlock a version of life where nothing needs us anymore.

But maybe the goal isn’t getting caught up.

Maybe the goal is learning how to live while things remain unfinished.
Maybe it’s learning that rest is not a reward for productivity.
Maybe it’s understanding that your worth is not measured by how many boxes you checked today.
Maybe it’s allowing yourself to exist as a human being instead of a never-ending list of tasks.

Because the truth is, most of us are carrying more than anyone realizes.

Responsibilities.
Expectations.
Grief.
Dreams.
Families.
Work.
School.
Health issues.
Mental load.

Invisible battles nobody else can see.

And yet we keep telling ourselves we’ll rest later.
After this project.
After this deadline.
After this week.
After this month.
After this season.

But what if later never arrives?
What if life isn’t something that starts once we’re caught up?
What if this is it?

The messy middle.
The unfinished chapter.
The balancing act.
The ordinary Tuesday full of responsibilities and hopes and laundry and exhaustion and moments of joy squeezed in between.

What if we’re allowed to live here, too?
Not when everything is done.
Not when we’re finally caught up.

Now.

Even in the middle of the chaos.
Especially in the middle of the chaos.

So if you’re feeling behind, overwhelmed, stretched too thin, or convinced you’re the only person who can’t seem to get everything done…

You’re not.

The finish line keeps moving.
The list never ends.
The work will still be there tomorrow.

Take the break.
Drink the coffee.
Read the book.
Watch the storm roll in.
Call the friend.
Leave something unfinished.

The world will survive.
And so will you.

🖤 A.S. Thorne